Walls Can Fall
by raven612
Summary: With Watson’s leaving imminent Holmes breaks his walls down and tries one last attempt to make Watson stay. If he fails, then he will forever be broken. H/W, slash, onehsot.


**Walls Can Fall **

**By: **Raven612

**Chapter 1: **Hearts Don't Lie

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the computer I wrote this on! Watson and Holmes belong to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and the song "Just Say You're Not Into It" belongs to Mayday Parade, and I suggest you listen to this song at once! http:// .com/watch?v= RWdUmxOOoGY (remove spaces)

**Summary: **With Watson's leaving imminent Holmes breaks his walls down and tries one last attempt to make Watson stay. If he fails, then he will forever be broken. H/W, slash, onehsot.

**A/N: **So I made a mixed CD a while ago and just found it and have been listening to it for the past several days and then this song came on and I have been obsessed with it. I wanted to write a fic with Holmes baring himself to Watson, using it as his last ditch effort to get the man he loves desperately to stay with him. I just wanted to write something where Holmes finally breaks down and shows real emotion to Watson, because we all know that if Holmes would ever be emotional with anyone, it would be Watson! He does it in the short story titled "The Three Garridebs". Also, a note, this is a website that **Holmsie Lemonade** gave me, this site explores the subtext of the stories, novels, movies, and other such Sherlock Holmes things. Also, it is a H/W site so it deals with their relationship and how Conan actually has them as gay partners. The site is filled with a lot of in depth research and makes a lot of good points, as for Conan actually wanting them to be gay, well only he knows the answer to that question. The site is, and as usual, remove the spaces: http://www. / withlovesh/ Then on the right hand side, go to where it says Decoding the Subtext, that's the section that explores Conan's stories and novels. Also, Holmes will most likely have OOCness in this story because of the fact that he is baring himself to Watson and does so by becoming…human, so please don't point it out because I know he will be OOC, please just don't get too mad, please ^_^ Okay, enough with this ginormous A/N and on with the story! Wait, sorry, one last thing, this is, obviously, a songfic!

* * *

_"It was worth a wound — it was worth many wounds — to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation."_

_ ---____From "The Three Garridebs"_

_………………………………………………………………………………………………__.._

Watson flipped the lid to the last of his boxes shut and sighed. He fell into the chair at his desk and shut his eyes in a moment of silence. Holmes had left earlier in the afternoon and Watson knew it was because he wanted to avoid seeing him go. This was to be Watson's last night on Baker Street. Watson's thoughts drifted to that of his new fiancé and he smiled faintly as his head lolled back on his chair and his eyes remained closed. Soon his thoughts drifted to Sherlock and all the ways he had recently tried to make Watson stay with him at Baker Street. Watson knew he would miss Holmes, but it was time for him to move on with his life and his practice, but he couldn't help the feeling that he was betraying Holmes at the same time. Watson was actually looking forward to getting out of his lodgings, for he had been struggling with some unresolved feelings towards his flat mate for the past few months. These feelings unsettled Watson and he knew not what to do with them.

After a few minutes of silent repose Watson pushed himself from his chair and walked over to the window. He pushed aside the curtains and looked down on the street in the dying sunlight. He watched the people bustling below him for a few minutes, until one figure caught his attention. His lips pursed and his eyes slit; 'so he hadn't left', Watson thought. Holmes was sitting on the steps leading into their lodgings, staring out into space. Watson quirked a brow, finding it odd for the detective to be where he was, Watson stepped away from the window and went out into the hall.

"Doctor?" Mrs. Hudson questioned when he passed her on her way to bring him some tea.

Watson smiled to her quickly, "Please just leave the tea on my desk, I'll be up in a minute," he then opened the front door and closed it.

"Watson," Holmes sighed, he hadn't flinched or looked over his shoulder when the doctor stepped outside.

"Holmes, what are you doing?" Watson stood behind the detective, nodding to passerbies, a cordial smile on his face for their sake.

"Staying out of your way," Holmes answered, he still hadn't looked back at Watson.

Watson let out a measured breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Holmes, stop sulking like a child, I'm here for one last night, it would be nice to spend it with you, my good man."

What Watson didn't see was the sudden spark and half smile that lit Holmes' face, "I was thinking the same thing Watson," Holmes replied and turned to shoot the doctor a smirk.

Watson couldn't fight the smirk that took over his mouth, though he didn't know what Holmes was really thinking about, "Good, then let's go back inside, Mrs. Hudson just served some tea."

"Nanny," Holmes spat as he rose to his feet and turned to face the doctor.

Watson raised a brow, but let the detective go into the house before him, "Ladies first," he quipped.

Holmes shot Watson a look, but kept going. Watson watched Holmes go up the stairs, but he passed by Watson's room and went into his study. Watson sighed and followed the detective up the stairs, but stopped in his room to grab the tea tray. He came to Holmes' study where the door was ajar. Having no free hands the doctor kicked it open and strode in. There was one candle lit and the heavy curtains were drawn. Everything in the room took on an eerie semblance, even Holmes. Watson cleared some papers from a cluttered table that sat before him and Holmes' chairs. Watson poured himself and the detective some tea then sat in the chair to the immediate right of Holmes.

"What were you doing on the steps?" Watson asked and placed his saucer and cup on the table next to his chair, where it balanced precariously on some papers and trinkets.

Holmes raised a brow and turned to look at Watson, half his face shrouded by shadow, "I was thinking, am I not permitted to sit on the stoop and think?"

A sour look crossed Watson's face, "Of course you are. I've just never witnessed you doing so before."

…

_In a show of hands, who has said these words before?  
In a show of hearts on the floor, who has ever meant them more?_

…

Holmes turned his head back to look at the center of the room. He was silent for some long moments and Watson began to wonder if he had fallen off into some other thoughts, but the words that came out of the detectives mouth were a surprise, "Watson, I don't want you to go, but there isn't anything to say to get you to stay, is there?"

Watson coughed on his tea, he had never heard Holmes be so straight forward before in all the time Watson had known the man, he dabbed at his moist chin, stalling for what to say next. Clearly Holmes was challenging him to answer, and Watson would never admit that he too wanted to stay. Holmes turned to look at him, waiting for a reply.

"Holmes…I'm getting married, surely I cannot marry Mary and live here, plus I've got my practice to think of."

Holmes nodded, knowing that's how Watson would answer and he turned back to stare at the interior of his room, "You fail to take into account one of your patients, one you've devoted quite a lot of time to."

Watson raised a brow, "And who is that?"

Never missing a beat, "Me," Holmes replied in a frank manner.

Once again Watson was stunned into silence, "I think Nanny really did poison you this time Holmes, have you drunk anything…unusual…more unusual than normal?"

Holmes blinked slowly, "No Watson, but it feels as if I had."

"Are you feeling alright," Watson asked and made to rise from his chair so that he could check his friend's temperature.

Holmes batted his hand away with a scowl on his face, "Quiet Watson, this isn't easy for me, just be quiet, you're making it harder." Holmes snapped suddenly, his icy gaze sliding to Watson's wide blue eyes.

"What have I done to upset you?" he asked in an injured tone.

"Shall I answer truthfully, or lie so you can feel better?"

Watson stiffened as if he had been stung, surely Holmes had never been this upset with him before, and Watson hadn't a clue what he did to anger the detective so; his eyes slit in defense as his anger boiled up, "Holmes, really, stop acting like a child, you know it's high time I move on with my life; grow up," Watson spat, his hands shaking.

Holmes raised a bemused brow, "But Watson, do you truly love Mary?"

Watson curled his fingers into tight fists to keep from reaching over and punching Holmes square in the jaw like he so deserved, "Of course I do Holmes."

Holmes nodded, as if to say he was satisfied with the answer. "I beg to differ," he said easily and reached across the space to pick up his tea cup and take a sip.

Watson sighed, he hadn't wanted to fight on his last night on Baker Street, but it seemed Holmes was doing all he could to rile the doctor, "Holmes, please, it's my last night here, let's not fight."

"I'm not picking a fight, Watson, I'm trying to open your eyes, surely after spending so much time with me you've picked up some deductive skills of your own," Holmes smirked when he looked at Watson.

Watson sighed and massaged his left temple with his left hand, "Holmes, please, let's just have a good night."

"I mean to Watson, but I need to share some things with you, and then you can share with me."

Watson raised his brows; an amused look on his face, "Are you going to tell me where my rugby ball has gotten to then? Or my gray waistcoat? Or my new white shirt? Or my old handkerchief?"

"Nothing like that Watson, and I think you know exactly what I mean to tell you."

Watson swallowed the lump in his throat, he had no idea what Holmes was getting at and he suddenly became very nervous of the tone Holmes was now taking with him. "What is it you want to say old boy?"

_…_

_  
Well, I'll swallow my pride if you'll stay for the years,  
And watch me spin circles as I disappear,  
And hearts, they don't lie, they just quiver in fear,  
As you say,_

…

"It's quite unlike me to admit anything like this Watson, but then it's quite unlike me to feel this way towards another human." Holmes said easily enough as if he were merely commenting on the weather.

Watson shifted, uncomfortable in the now heavy atmosphere, "How do you feel Holmes?" Watson wasn't aware that his voice was a mere whisper.

Holmes smirked and looked out into his room, as if drawing strength from it, "Watson, I am lost without you, surely after all the time we've spent together you must know how I feel about you."

Watson coughed to clear his throat, "Of course Holmes, we are very close, best friends, if you will, how can we not feel so…connected?"

Holmes shut his eyes in annoyance, obviously Watson was trying to steer the conversation back to safer grounds, but Holmes had come this far, and damned if he would back down now because Watson was too afraid to admit they felt more for one another than was "legal;" so to speak. "You know very well where I intend to head with this conversation."

Watson shifted, he was growing more and more uncomfortable, yet there was a thought in the back of his mind, something telling him that this is what he'd been waiting to hear from Holmes since the day they had met, that same thought was telling him he felt the same way about the detective, but his strict background would not allow such things. "Holmes, please, this is getting out of hand, surely you jest."

Holmes was serious, "No Watson, I would never joke with something as fragile as this, I'm in a stricken state, I simply don't know how to go forward without you there, you are my rock, my Boswell, if you will. I'm trying to tell you Watson how much I truly do care for you."

Watson allowed himself a small smile, he'd waited a long time for the moment when Holmes' walls would crumble down, and it seemed that right now they were doing just that, a stone at a time. Watson glanced over quickly to find Holmes staring intently at him.

"Watson, can you not see how this pains me? I swear that if you stay I will…I will recant my pride and you can continue to witness my falls into my mind and watch the way that I disappear when wrapped up in a case, but you must know Watson, you're never gone from my mind, and it bothers me to know that even I have a weakness."

Watson was stunned into silence, never before had he seen this side of Holmes, he hadn't even known it could exist in such a stony man, a man so walled in that nothing ever affected him. Watson would never have guessed that he was the chink in Holmes' armor, that he was the one that would be responsible for the brilliant mans undoing. "Holmes, I…what…how am I to respond to that?"

"What is it that your heart is telling you?" Holmes asked.

"I…what? M…my heart?" Watson asked, still stunned and he absently placed a hand over his heart, which he found was beating quite erratically.

Holmes simply nodded.

"I guess, I guess I haven't a clue."

Holmes smirked, "I shall take a guess then," he ventured.

Watson could only nod.

"Your heart is quivering in fear, Watson, fear of what will happen to you should you open it up to me, fear of what the feelings you have mean and how they could affect your life. Your scared of the feelings you have towards me, they are what drove you into such a quick engagement."

At this Watson took offense, "Holmes, now you have no idea what you're babbling about, let's end this conversation here and now and neither of us shall think of it again."

Holmes smirked, "Watson, we have now come too far, don't you agree?"

Watson jumped to his feet, "Yes, we have strode too far, but I am ending it before it's too late, Holmes, think of what you are saying, it's not possible and it's highly disturbing."

"It's entirely possible and you are scared because you do not want to do something to disrupt you're straight laced life, but Watson, the feelings are there, you cannot deny them."

Watson's face reddened in anger, "You are insufferable, you speak so unabashed, you have no idea how I feel, you are trying to guilt me into staying, it will not work Holmes, I have had enough of your foolishness; goodnight," Watson roared and turned sharply on his heel to leave the room at once.

…_  
_

_Tonight we forget everything,  
And we stay the night.  
If I was wrong, then I'm sorry.  
I'll stop this fight,  
For the night,_

…

"Watson, why don't we just forget everything tonight?"

Watson let out a breath and his shoulders sagged as they relaxed, "That's the first sane thing you've said all night, Holmes," Watson chuckled as he falsely thought that the subject was over with.

Holmes smirked, "Watson, turn around and face me, I find it rude that I should have to address your backside, though it is a pleasant enough view."

Watson stiffened and whipped around to face the detective, "Bite your tongue man, are you mad?"

Holmes smiled at Watson's discomfort, "Quite sane, actually."

"This is not what I was hoping our night would be like; if I had known you'd be so…so insufferable I would have left hours ago."

"Ah, but you are still here, and I think that you knew tonight would be like this, or you at least hoped it would be."

"I did not hope nor think any such thing, goodnight Holmes, maybe I'll find you in your right mind in the morning." With that Watson limped through the study and left Holmes alone; an empty chair on his right.

…

_And this empty space left in the seat  
To my right where you should be  
Says a lot,  
Don't let it say goodbye.  
Don't let it say goodbye.  
Let it say goodbye._

…

After Watson thoroughly slammed the door Holmes cast his dark gaze to the chair Watson had vacated. He hadn't wanted this to escalate into a fight, but it had and now all Holmes could think of was how empty the chair next to him and his life would be shall he fail in making Watson stay tonight. Holmes wasn't ready to say goodbye to his dear friend and the man he so arduously loved. It wasn't what Holmes had asked for and he knew Watson sure as hell hadn't asked for it either, but it was there and they needed to deal with it. Holmes rose from his own chair and made his way through his clutter and out to the hallway. He stood leaning against his door staring at Watson's closed one for a few minutes; he watched the shadows under the door as Watson dressed in his night clothes. Holmes strode over to the door and knocked.

"Watson, do let me in," he beseeched,

Watson stopped dressing and glared at the door, "Go away Holmes, I think you've said enough tonight."

Holmes sighed, "I haven't said enough yet, let me in or I shall shout it through the door and na-" Holmes stumbled forward when Watson yanked the door open.

"Will you censor yourself, Mrs. Hudson is still awake," Watson hissed as he firmly closed the door.

Holmes gripped his hands behind his back as he walked around Watson's empty bedroom; he then turned to the doctor, who was tortuously shirtless. "I fear I've upset you quite a lot tonight, and I came here to mend that."

Watson smirked, "Have you?" he raised his brows in questioning.

Holmes blinked, "I just said so, actually I think I have to be a bit frank with you, seeing as being…_emotional_ didn't work," Holmes said the word emotional like it was some sort of dreaded curse.

"Emotional, Holmes, you call that…that display in your study emotional?" Watson demanded throwing his hands up.

Holmes looked like Watson had struck him, "Did you not think so? I quite literally opened up to you Watson, could you not feel it?"

Watson cast his eyes to the floor, he had felt it, and it had scared him. He kept his head down, "I…I know Holmes, but you must understand…it's…it's not proper."

Holmes scoffed and took a step closer to Watson so that he could reach out and touch Watson just under his chin so that he could lift his face and find his eyes, "Neither is marrying a girl you don't love, Watson."

Watson shivered at the fingers on his skin and looked away in shame, "Holmes, please, this is my last night, let's not do something we'll regret," he sidestepped then ending all contact with Holmes.

"I'll regret nothing, as for you, Watson, will you really want to spend your life regretting the choice you made to marry Mary? She doesn't deserve it and you don't deserve to remain unhappy, not when the source of your happiness is before you, willing to…to lay himself bare if you'll just stay the night and forget everything."

…

_  
Forget everything,  
And we stay the night.  
If I was wrong, then I'm sorry.  
I'll stop this fight,  
For the night.  
And this empty space left in the seat  
To my right where you should be  
Says a lot._

…

"Holmes…I…we can't," Watson let out in a breath and sat heavily on his bed, the springs creaking beneath his weight.

Holmes sat down next to him, he was glad to be rid of his jacket for he was relishing in the bare skin of his arm touching the bare skin of the doctor's, who was till shirtless. "I'm sorry if I've upset you, but let's stop fighting…"

Watson squeezed his fingers around the mattress' edge as he fought to keep himself in control, "I'll be glad to end this fight," he admitted, his eyes never leaving the floor.

"After you left the study, I looked to my right, where I can usually find you…but you weren't there, your chair was empty." Holmes stopped for a moment to gather his thoughts. "You're all I can count on and trust in this life, I've never met anyone else that…that can reduce me to such rubbish as this. Watson, what I mean to say is that I'm _in_ love with you."

Watson only blinked; from the beginning of the conversation Watson had a feeling that Holmes would confess something such as he did. Watson's heart began to beat out of control, but he continued to stare at the floor, not wanting to chance looking at the detective who sat next to him. Watson knew it had taken a lot out of Holmes just to say those words, yet he couldn't seem to find anything to say to him. Holmes sat patiently waiting to hear what the doctor would have to say. After a few long minutes Holmes was starting to feel sheepish and he began to push himself from the bed, but Watson's hand reached over and grabbed his wrist. Holmes looked over to find Watson looking at him, their eyes met.

…

_  
And today I know that tomorrow  
Will shine again golden and bring  
Our hearts back home.  
And today I know that tomorrow  
Will shine again golden and bring  
Our hearts back home._

…_._

Watson swallowed the lump in his throat, "I…I love you too, Holmes," he whispered in such a quiet voice that Holmes had to strain to hear him.

"I know Watson; I just needed you to admit it to yourself, and does this mean you'll be staying on at Baker Street?" Holmes asked in such a casual way that Watson suddenly grew upset that the fragile atmosphere the man worked so hard to create all evening seemed to just suddenly vanish.

"That's all you can say, after all that has gone on tonight?"

Holmes looked stricken, "What else is there to say?"

Watson chuckled and shook his head, he failed to notice how Holmes' fingers were now laced with his own and that Holmes was stroking his hand with the tip of his thumb, "Of course you wouldn't think there anything else to say, how foolish of me."

Completely confused, Holmes stared at Watson, "What is it you want to hear Watson?"

"Nothing," Watson hissed and leaned over and captured Holmes' lips with his own in a fevered kiss. Holmes was taken by surprise and when he opened his mouth in a gasp Watson's tongue invaded it. Holmes moaned low in his throat and fell back onto the mattress as Watson forced himself on the detective. Holmes' hands shot up and caressed the back of Watson's neck and took on a controlling manner as he tilted Watson's head at the best angles so that he could better feed on his luscious mouth. Watson moaned when Holmes took his swollen lower lip between his two front teeth and nipped it. Holmes arched his back so that Watson could feel the hard length of his pressed against his thigh. Watson, who was straddling Holmes, ground his pelvis back into Holmes.

"My God Watson, where did you learn such things?" Holmes asked as he whipped his shirt off and Watson began to explore his bared chest.

"I'm a doctor Holmes, I know more about the human body and its pleasure points than you know about…about common manners." He bit the detective's nipple lightly to draw his point home.

Holmes hissed in ecstasy and his hand came down on Watson's head where he ran his fingers through the short silken strands. "Watson, please, we've had months of foreplay."

Watson smiled as he dipped his head lower down the detective's torso, ignoring the way Holmes pushed him to go faster, "Manners," Watson chided and popped open one of Holmes' buttons on his trousers loose.

"Manners be damned," he hissed and grabbed Watson's bare shoulders and hauled him up the length of his body and flipped them so that he was now on the top and in control.

Watson smirked up at the detective and shut his eyes when Holmes' lips came down soft and sensual against his. Watson raised his head off the pillow to deepen the kiss and Holmes' hands trailed down his bare chest and rubbed against Watson's straining erection through his sleeping trousers. Watson broke the kiss and hissed in pleasure and arched his hips trying to heighten the friction of Holmes hand on him.

"Manners, Watson," Holmes chided and bit Watson's ear lobe lightly.

"You care not for manners," Watson breathed and smiled when he heard Holmes chuckle.

"All I care for now is you and knowing that tomorrow I'll find you here and everyday thereafter…for I am lost without my Boswell," Holmes dipped low and kissed Watson deeply in a dance of skin, teeth, and tongues.

…

_And today I know that tomorrow (And today meant nothing, 'cause you're gone)  
Will shine again golden and bring (And I swear that this meant everything to me)  
Our hearts back home. (But my heart's not home)  
And today I know that tomorrow (And today meant nothing, 'cause you're gone)  
Will shine again golden and bring (And I swear that this meant everything to me)  
Our hearts back home. (But my heart's not home)_

…

**A/N: **So, how did you like it? Also, never fear, I shall have the next chapter to 'New Beginnings' posted soon, this fic has been dying to be written since Monday and I've finally got my creative juices flowing and finally got it all written down! I also suggest you listen to "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy, that song reminds me a lot of what Holmes probably thinks after Watson leaves, here's a link…remove the space, lol, http://www ./watch?v=lsWsasqIoyk it's such an amazing song! Please review and let me know how I did with this story…hehe and aint I mean to not make it all smutty smutty? Maybe if you beg hard enough I'll add just one more chapter with some smut ;) Review!!


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